FUCK

so let recap on today,


hmm it was my b-day,
i got very emotional wen i opened my moms card
just cause i feel so bad at the way i be acting towards her at times
i went out with the best friend/sister
we had some PLANT WINGS:D
i had the sweet and tangy kind to was delicious


umm... APPLE was bout to get cursed out today
i tunes suck ass right about now

on my way bout to leave my sister apt.
my car was being IMPOUNDED
SMDH
and that red neck bastid ass motha fucka
was bout to get that ass in the hospital
since "he make soo much money"
BULL SHIT
so now i cant get my car back till early morning
i miss it already
and the rental office is gonna have a problem from MS. LESLIE DUVALL
all hell gonna break loose and i kno they better give me my $150 back

so that was a real suck ass way to end my b-day
but then again i spent it with my boo Krystal
and brought it in with her and my Booski- Mocha


P.S
FUCK YOU my soo called boyfriend,
you act like you couldnt even tell my happy b-day
thats why your ass in being REPLACED

replaceable

I'm so over u
u playing games telling me this and that
making me feel like damn
its my fault when it's not
one minute u telling me u wanna move to be with me
now you on some other shit
talking bout u don't really wanna move but you would for me
and i think thats a bunch of bull shit now that i think about it
I'm not gonna make u move here if thats not what u really wanna do
you will be miserable so u can just stay there
and i'll stay here n find me somebody that will treat me the way i should be treated cause what you wont do for me somebody else will

so now i can take a deep breath and relax and go and do me
and know that i lucky have someone in my life that care about me and helped me realize what i need to do THANKS KRYSTAL AND MOCHA

but on a good note,
I'm SOOOO happy for my best friend
she is so happy with who she has in her life
and im so happy for the both of y'all that it makes me wanna cry like a big baby

and tomorrw is my bday so ima eat eat and eat some more
im so happy ima finally be 19 with my standards upgraded
so now i jus need someone to be upgraded with

my songs

im signing and crying and
the world keeps spinning
im losing my ground
becoming clumsy in it


im so confused
and dont kno what to do
youre the sweetest thing
cause you are my obession


i act so coldhearted
and you still accept my flaws and all;
its hard to say im sorry
as i listen to rain drops as im going down


can we get back to the way we were
it might not be the end of our road
you got me going in circles
tryna give me the world
you got the key to my heart
i guess im a sucka for love


and i know its hard
to find a love of your own

but if i had one wish

its for you to stay with me always

we can just take it from here
it will get better in time
because this love is fatal
and leaves me numb inside

wounded

i feel for you, care for you, "maybe" even love you
( i love you, i love you not, i love you...)
and playing over and over like a broken record, are thoughts of you in my mind
i wanna be with you but you make it so hard
im here, youre there, why you gotta be so far
you say you love me and that im the one for you
if im so special to you why cant you just move
im up im down im here im there
im like an emotional roller coaster cause youre not here
you had plans and so did i
why cant you change them to incorporate me in your life
im just stuck in a hole with no way out
its getting deeper and darker as i have my doubts
i need upliftment with one kiss one hug

i slip into a coma

cause i feel so alone

this is for you my oh so sweet misery

i hope i making the right decision

by letting you slip away from me

heartbeat

"Closed off from love I didn't need the pain Once or twice was enough And it was all in vain Time starts to pass Before you know it you're frozen

But something happened For the very first time with you My heart melts into the ground Found something true And everyone's looking round Thinking I'm going crazy

But nothing's greater Than the rush that comes with your embrace And in this world of loneliness I see your face Yet everyone around me Thinks that I'm going crazy, maybe, maybe

But I don't care what they say I'm in love with you They try to pull me away But they don't know the truth My heart's crippled by the vein That I keep on closing You cut me open and I

Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love I keep bleeding I keep, keep bleeding love Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love You cut me open"

this is exactly how im feeling right now about my baby im spewing my love for him everywhere
and all i can say bout it right now is just "WOW"

family

mane i gotta go to NY this weekend
smh
and i dont wanna go
i mean yea it will be nice to my family and my baby cousin
but i kno that its gonna be some drama like always
cause it my grandma b-day party and wen my uncle get drunk he acts up
start cursn everybody out hollering and just piont blank being very vociferious
and i kno that they gonna have something smart to say about my bright candy-apple red hair
and since im getting my nose pierced this week thy gonna have something to say bout that to
and me being me im get mad and get a nasty attitude
so what i dont understand is why take a 5-6 hour drive
when i can experience all this being at home in VA sleeping in my own bed

ADIOS

im finally don with this cat
it hurt me so much and it was hard
but eh
i had to do what i had to do
he wont tryna commit to me
and was just tryna use me for his entertainment
and im NO niggas entertainment
so he got the boot
and ima let him know once dont contact me
and t-mobile will be blocking his ass

but now it feels so good to have weight lifted off my shoulders
that i feel like i can just breathe
with no problems without stressing

so im laying in the bed thinking bout him. The way he do, his style, his"swagga", the way he carry himself and just basically everything bout him but for some reason he "got" me. maybe its the way he looks at me,talks to me etc. i dont know...to bad i cant actually say that he's mine...
but the question i ask myself is why is it so hard (this whole cakin thing) and i just wish that i didnt feel for him this much. im mean damn im feeling him more than i did any of my ex's and he he aint even my man....

wats a girl to do